I decided to write a letter to my stepbrother about the ongoing concerns I've been going on about. Masquerading as holiday greetings in the form of an email, my primary message follows:
...The main problem, as I see it, is that they're relying on all of us (particularly on the two of you) far more than they need to. Certainly, they're dependent and need help--but it's unfair and inconsiderate for them to assume that we will be there to "do it all" when they have more than enough money to hire a professional caregiver now and then. There's no shortage of funds--and I know they could easily afford to hire a helper 3 or 4 times a month to take them where they need to go--and they could do this without even touching their savings, based on their monthly income.
To be honest, I've noticed a growing reluctance on their part (particularly with Jeannie) to spend money. I'm a bit confused and saddened to see how they deprive themselves of simple pleasures--and even basic comfort in some cases. But I don't think we're helping anyone by enabling that behavior.
We need to recognize that at some point, probably sooner than anyone expects, the parents will need more help than any of us can provide. And for that reason, I believe it would make sense to help them get accustomed to accepting help from people outside the family....
My suggestion was that he and his wife (rather than me, the official troublemaker) be the ones to broach the topic. And I asked for his thoughts...so far, no response, but we'll see what the new year brings.
PS: Yesterday we had a friendly visit with my parents, and exchanged Christmas gifts. Surprise: we got a gift card. But as people say, it's the thought that counts. Now I have to wait and see if my thoughts count...
