Match point

Having been designated by Jeannie as a “naughty boy”—at least this season—I’m anticipating a lump of coal in my stocking, if that. So far, we haven’t received a holiday card from my parents, though I know she’s been sending them out.  If Jeannie’s trying to make a statement, my best revenge will be to pretend that I never even noticed. (Let me state for the record that they’ve sent us a card every year for as long as I can remember.) 

As for the usual token gift card we get, that may or may not happen either. Again, I know she’s been getting gifts for people as she’s mentioned the various things she plans to give this or that family member. But maybe my lecturing and obvious exasperation of late will inspire her to get back at me/us by withholding gifts. If that happens, I’m not so sure I’ll let it go.

The material element of “getting a gift” is not a concern for me; the gift cards she always presents us with are so rote as to be nearly meaningless. But if her goal is to pointedly let me know of her disapproval or anger, then I may take similar measures.

To begin with, I’d let her know that my free shopping and errand services will no longer be available—at least to her. If my father needs something, then I’ll help him out when I can.  But for whatever she needs, she can hire a helper or impose still more on my step-brother and his wife, who are stretched almost to the limit.

Why would I take such harsh actions against a sick old woman, especially knowing that to do so would hurt my father, making his life still bleaker? These concerns might eventually trump any high-handed decisions on my part. But perhaps the threat alone would knock some sense into her, especially if I were to carry out a short work stoppage.

Ultimately, the needs of my parents will become too onerous for any family member to handle, making hired help a necessity. It’s only a matter of time, and it could be that by forcing them to start now, they’ll be more prepared to accept the inevitable. Who knows—it might even give them a sense of renewed independence, the ability to enjoy a few adventures on their own…but I know I’m being optimistic. The most likely scenario is one of further withdrawal, anger and resentment.

And still more probable is the chance that we’ll get our usual empty gift, with empty holiday wishes, and we’ll all keep going on as before, resentful and waiting until things finally change.