It’s been quite a long holiday break for this blog, but I have decided to resume posting occasional, if shorter, entries—whether or not I have something compelling to say—it all depends on my mood. Of late, the mood has been somewhat darker. Things with my parents continue their slow descent: the shopping trips are more excruciating than ever; my father grows more silent, and Jeannie less so.
We shared Thanksgiving with good friends and had a much
better time than we would have under any other circumstances, had they been
available to us. I say that knowing that our choices were limited: my
stepbrother and his family invited the parents over to their house while we
were pointedly excluded. Jeannie
expressed slightly awkward embarrassment when she asked what our plans were. As
I’ve told people, it was great not attending an event where we would have been
truly uncomfortable—but it would have been nice to have the option of saying no
thanks.
As for Christmas, we won’t be quite so lucky….again, my
stepbrother’s family will welcome dad and Jeannie for dinner on the 24th—and
again, we were not invited—but as a consolation prize, Jeannie asked if my
partner and I would like to join them for a simple dinner on the 25th
(without her offspring present.) The catch? We would have to cook everything other
than the main course and dessert, a frozen wine cake Jeannie had made some
months ago. Though it would have been tempting to decline, we decided to bite
the bullet (and our tongues), and go through with the charade.
I imagine my stepbrother, who is a leader in his church, has
either decided on his own or else was directed by his superiors to sever
contact with his unrepentant, homosexual step-sibling. I can almost imagine the dialogue, whether
internal or with an actual higher authority, which certainly would have
included an admonition to pray for us sinners, while obeying the church edict
to avoid sin and the near occasions of sin. That would be us, I suppose. He
would have been informed that his position in the church requires that he set a
good example, both for other parishioners and for his own family, by not
appearing to condone what scripture deems unacceptable.
Even the holiday card we got, sent by his wife, had only her
name & return address on the envelope, as if using their family address
labels might somehow be construed as laxity on his part. None of this is especially
surprising or even annoying to me. If anything, I found the hypocrisy of
earlier forced interactions less tolerable, so am happy to avoid contact.
A similar incident occurred not long ago when I tracked down
our old family physician (who also lived across the street from us when I was a
child) and sent an email to him. His initial response was enthusiastic: he was
so glad to hear from me, happy that my father was still (relatively) well, and
said he’d like to stay in touch. That ended abruptly when in my next email I
mentioned my partner of 23 years. No response can be a very strong response.
I know there are many Christians worthy of the name, and even know some of them. But they (joined by representatives of certain other religions) have proved so many times through history and to this
day that a simple majority stands out as a smug, judgmental crowd, quickly pointing its collective
finger at those perceived as sinners. Meanwhile,
they conveniently ignore the more garden variety “sins” they or their family
members are often guilty of, and vilify The Other. This may be the season of good will but I say to hell (whatever that is) with
them, and suspect that god (whatever that means) would say the same.
